Avengers Endgame: Three surprise theories

There has been a lot of speculation about which Avenger will die in Avengers Endgame. After the shocking end of Infinity War, fans have been speculating who would survive the sequel, and whether we would see the return of the dusted avengers, or whether some of the survivors could end up leaving the franchise for good.

Theory number 5 is focused on Black Widow. As we saw in Age of Ultron, she has a very complicated past with the Red Room, and therefore to those who read comics, the Winter Soldier. Considering this past, and the fact that we see her engaging him in a conversation about their past, that they know each other well, very well. Although many were wrong about the budding Hawkeye-Black Widow romance from the original Avengers, it now seems clear that Natasha and Bucky are deeply in love and own the Alpaca farm next to Clint’s. Clearly Natasha is over often, and as any good Midwesterner knows ya gotta be friendly with the neighbors don’t-cha-know, and Clint is perhaps the least surprised to see Bucky in Civil War once again showing a familiarity. Clearly, the farming life is going well for them.

Speaking of Hawkeye, recent trailers make it seem as if Clint Barton is taking up the mantle of Ronin in Endgame; this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Instead, Clint will be taking up the little known identity of SUPER MEGA EXPLOSIONS MAN, a firework-wielding superhero with the powers of boom, pizazz, and ‘Murica. Unlike Ronin, which was inspired by Hawkeye’s tragic loss of his family, SUPER MEGA EXPLOSIONS MAN was created after Clint managed to shoot down a scarecrow with a bottle rocket on the idea of his 6 year-old son, after a few too many beers on the 4th of July.

Our final, and number one, theory is focused on the ending of the film. While many are going in with some form of apprehension over the death of a favorite Hero, the true ending of the film is even more shocking. Rather than killing the actors on screen, the studio has managed to invent a technology that will turn 50 percent of audience members into dust, to simulate the inevitable triumph of Thanos. Don’t worry, though; the seats are covered in a special sticky paper to make sure none of your ash floats away, and theater staff members dressed as Deadpool will be collecting the papers and distributing them to families. Reports state that the effect is temporary and should only last a week. When asked why the technology was not used in Infinity War, where it would have been much more dramatic, representatives stated that the technology was not able to be installed in time, but that reconstitution is now finally possible.

So, now you know what you are getting yourself into for Avengers: Endgame. Have fun readers, and if you are one of the lucky 50%, enjoy your dust nap!