“Go Fund Me” To Bribe Professor
On Monday of this week, Viterbo student Trisha Fisher launched a “Go Fund Me” campaign online to sponsor a massive end-of-the-semester bribe to pay off her college algebra professor. After a semester of not doing a single piece of homework and a failed last ditch effort to motivate herself to do forty-three assignments in a single one-hour break between binging Netflix and napping, Fisher launched the online fundraising campaign and sent links to family, friends, and vague acquaintances.
Her “Go Fund Me” online bio includes a brief statement urging everyone she knows to help pay off the “real cost of college.” “I am a sophomore student, and my parents are paying 100% of my tuition and housing,” reads her bio. “However, I need a little help. If I can meet my modest goal of $50,000, I can pay off my professor for a class that I’ve gone to once this semester, never cracked open a textbook for, and am currently pulling a 7% in. Every little bit helps.”
At press time, the campaign had been active for two days, and Fisher had raised $15. Fourteen dollars were generously donated by her grandmother, and $1 was generously donated by “anonymous.” “Fifteen dollars down, forty-nine thousand, nine-hundred and eighty-five to go,” commented and optimistic Fisher, who could have completed at least ten of the accumulated homework assignments in the time it took to set up the Go Fund Me and constantly check it for updates.